


a toctic difference to kisskiss you

by cherryroad (summerstorm)



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Crack, M/M, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-17
Updated: 2009-04-17
Packaged: 2017-10-05 10:48:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/summerstorm/pseuds/cherryroad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Snow White-inspired AU. Jared works in his stepmother's pharmacy, but he wants to be an actor. Jared's stepmother hires Jensen to take a series of family portraits. Chaos ensues. This is how it ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a toctic difference to kisskiss you

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote half of this in my head in the shower—it entertained me at the time. I'm not sure what that says to the casual reader other than "don't expect much; I just felt like writing dialogue". Title from Cummings. My dignity, it is lost.

"I can't believe we're doing this."

Chad tsks. "No, no. _You're_ doing this."

"You're enabling me," Jared mutters.

"Hey, not my fault I'm the only nurse you know."

Jared glances at Chad and his salmon scrubs and it takes all of his might not to crack up. It's never not gonna be hilarious.

The hospital is quiet—it's five in the fucking morning, most people are, Jared thinks with a pang of jealousy, _asleep_—and dimly lit and he's already collapsed shin first into three carts, not that he's complaining, or admitting it.

"I feel like a criminal," he says instead.

"Visiting hours _are_ over," Chad remarks. Jared glares at him, but he's not sure Chad sees it. "Five oh six," Chad says, and Jared realizes they're here.

This is Jensen's room.

This has been Jensen's room for the last eight days and fourteen hours, since that fateful incident in the pharmacy, not that anyone's counting.

The door doesn't creak or anything—why would it, it's a hospital—and they go in quietly. Jared closes the door, and Chad turns on the light.

Jensen's there, peacefully asleep.

"This is sick," Jared says, "he's fucking unconscious."

Chad lifts a finger like he's about to dispense the meaning of life. He takes a few seconds of contemplation, then says, "He is."

Jared throws the nearest light object at him, which happens to be a bandage pack.

"That's hospital property, asshole," Chad says, and throws it back. Jared catches it and puts it back where it belonged.

"This is disgusting," Jared tries again. "He's totally helpless like that. It's like—"

"If you say 'rape', I will cut you," Chad says, "I have credentials." Jared rolls his eyes to the ceiling. "Seriously, dude, it's just a kiss. You peck him, lightly, wait a few seconds to see if it works its magic, and if it doesn't, we leave and you accept this and move on."

Jared walks over to the bed. Chad stays in a corner of the room, watching him. "I don't know..."

"Oh, come on," Chad urges, and points at Jensen's face with his whole arm. "Just look at him. His lips are, like, begging for it."

Jared looks back and raises an eyebrow.

"God, that was gross," Chad says with a grimace. "Just goddamn kiss him so we can get some rest."

So Jared sits on the edge of the bed, leans forward, and does.

Before he's completely pulled apart, Jensen's eyelashes flutter.

Jared is—overwhelmed. There are so many feelings rushing through him, it'd be crazy to try to list them all. There's relief that Jensen's awake, relief that he didn't just kiss a comatose guy for no reason. There's a sense of revenge, like 'take that, stepmom' and 'take that, universe', and a sense of self-importance, like 'it's about time, karma'. There's some utter glee there because, even though Jared _knew_ deep down that this couldn't be fatal, he was still afraid—afraid he was going to get his own life, yeah, but he'd have to start this alone. Without the person who made it possible.

He doesn't say anything, though. He just looks, and smiles. Grins. It may be creepy if you don't know him, he thinks.

Jensen's eyelashes keep fluttering.

"It's just like a girl," Chad points out from way too close to Jared, and Jensen's glance gravitates towards him.

"I'd say good to see you," Jensen starts, "but it's really not."

Chad flips him the bird and leaves. Jensen turns to look at Jared. He looks sleepy, kind of... in a haze. Jared assumes poison will do that to you.

"What happened?" Jensen asks.

"My stepmom tried to poison you," Jared says, then amends, "Well, she did poison you. No trying."

"That fucking ap—" Jensen says. "Classic. Where is she?"

"In jail for attempted murder."

"She confessed?"

"She claims she was just trying to scare you, not kill you. Or put you in a coma or anything."

"I was in a—"

"Eight days and fourteen hours," Jared states proudly. "Not that I was counting."

Jensen smiles fondly. Or Jared hopes it's fond, anyway.

"Anyway, she says you just picked the wrong place to bite, and something about boiling."

Jensen chuckles. That's good, great even. He can laugh about it. Jared fervently hopes this is not one of those cases where the patient wakes up and seems all bright and crap only to fall dead two hours later. He tries not to think about that. Jensen says, "I don't think pharmacy's the right career choice for you."

"Neither do I," Jared says. He's been a salesman at his stepmother's drugstore since he was old enough to work legally, but he hasn't picked up on anything. It's kind of sad, if you think about it. Thankfully, Jared doesn't think about it. Jared wants to move to L.A. and act. That's what Jared thought about when he was dispensing drugs.

"You quit, right?"

"The _pharmacy_ quit," Jared points out, like it's obvious, which it is. "The owner's in jail for attempting to scare my boyfriend away, Sandy's so terrified she's trying to find work modeling and never look back, and frankly, I don't feel like dealing with a malpractice suit that's not even my fault. Plus, I was practically a slave there. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't even be legal for me to do anything at all related to the store."

Jensen nods. "That sounds sensible."

Jared shrugs.

"So your stepmom's a witch, huh?"

"I have no idea," Jared says, because he doesn't. She's probably not. She may be. She's a bitch all right. He says, "Technically, the apple had real poison in it. Arsenic or something. Something we have in the pharmacy, way in the back, but still there."

"That doesn't explain why this—" Jensen vaguely gestures towards both Jared's and his own mouth, like his hand is following a tennis match, "—worked."

Jared gets a glint in his eye. He knows this. He's trying to be mysterious.

Jensen laughs. "Out with it, Jay."

Jared touches a finger to his lips and removes a thin layer of powder, holds it out for Jensen to squint at and not see.

"What's that?"

"I did learn to recognize drugs by color. Even if I don't know the name. We have a book. Well, my stepmother has a book. Had. I'm not sure what the appropriate terminology would be here."

"So you figured out an antidote?"

Jared laughs despite himself. "Yeah, I wish. Sandy did."

"What a talent the world of pharmacy has lost," Jensen says solemnly.

"I don't think she sees it that way, but I'll make sure to tell her before we leave."

Jensen sits up. He doesn't seem in pain or anything. Sandy's a genius. "How are you gonna explain—"

"Miraculous recovery," Jared says, enunciating. "I figure if I try to explain the real thing, I'll fail miserably and they'll think I was, like, an accomplice or something."

"You'd have to be really bad at telling the truth for that."

"Don't put it past me," Jared says. "And then I'd have to get Sandy involved to bail me out, and she's traumatized enough."

Jensen smiles. "So we're moving?"

"As soon as you're released," Jared answers. "Chad got us an apartment and everything. Apparently there is one girl in the world he slept with and managed not to piss off, and she happens to live in LA."

Jensen blinks.

"I know," Jared admits.

"Where _is_ Chad, anyway?"

"Making... rounds? I don't know," Jared says, "I'll check," and he walks out. He spots Chad leaning over the reception desk, chatting up the night receptionist. He's tempted to step on his game, but Jensen's more important, and has been less present in his life during the past eight days, so he walks back in.

"So who's Chad bothering today?" Jensen asks. He's standing near the window in one of those flimsy hospital gowns, facing Jared. Jared transiently thinks Jensen's problem with giving his back to him is less an issue of nakedness and more one of aesthetic unpleasantness. Jensen spends way too much time looking through lenses.

"Receptionist," Jared says. "Cute, perky, red-haired."

"Poor thing," Jensen sympathizes.

"You don't even know her," Jared points out.

"She's being hit on by _Chad_," Jensen remarks.

Jared nods. "Good point."

Jared sits on the bed, uncomfortable as it is, small as it is, and inhales deeply. So this is the ending, huh? No more calls in the middle of the night to fetch chemical crap he hasn't even learned the name of. No more wicked stepmother keeping him away from the prying eyes and speeding cars of family portrait photographers with a passion for film.

It's oddly anticlimactic, though Jared's not sure what he was expecting. A magical orchestra playing? A fairy godmother? A chorus of dwarves?

That would have been creepy, Jared thinks. Jensen's profile looks amazing against the background, the cityscape—this may be what Jensen means when he says it's not that he wants to take a picture, it's that he needs to. Jared wishes he had brought a camera, but that would have been even creepier than the dwarves.

Still. No one who's been in a coma for over a week should have the right to look that good.

The silence is broken by Jensen saying, "The sun's coming up," quietly, and Jared grimaces.

"That sounds like a horrible, horrible omen," he says.

"Life's already kicked my butt enough for a few months, don't you think? What with your stepmother almost killing me?"

Jared raises his hands in surrender. "I'm just saying. Maybe meeting me was such good luck that you had to be punished somehow, so now you're even."

Jensen shakes his head and refrains from insulting him. That's one of the many, many things Jared likes about Jensen. Jensen gets that Jared doesn't have too big a head, he just has trouble filtering what goes from his brain to his mouth. "Well, just in case, I don't plan on accepting fruit from evil-looking people or anyone related to you ever again," Jensen declares. "I've learned my lesson."

Jared can totally live with that.


End file.
